Sexting: 12 Rules for Dirty Text Messages

Part two of a two part series by Anthony Wayne exploring the art of “sexting”–the sending of sexually explicit text messages, instant messages, or emails to a member of the opposite sex in an attempt to increase sexual tension.

Recently, a married friend of mine attended a popular trade show.  He met an older, also married, woman there who was without her husband and they were clearly attracted to each other.  The friend sent her a photo by email and one thing led to another.  Soon they were involved in a series of dirty text messages, emails, and phone calls that would make the editors of Penthouse blush.

Sending dirty text messages, or sexting, is growing among teens and adults.  It just seems so…innocent.

That was until she told him he’d be in a nearby town and should meet her at a hotel.  That’s when he realized it had gone too far and he ended it before causing potential irreparable harm to both of their marriages.

My friend shared these text messages and emails with me and I must say, both of them were quite good at sexting.  In reading the sexting messages, I could see how sexting was such an attraction to two married people involved in rather traditional lifestyles with comfortable homes, kids, and a couple of dogs.

  1. Messages were short and direct.  No messing about here.  Get right to the point.  Send the kind of messages that you like to yell out during vacation sex after you’ve drank a couple bottles of wine.
  2. Given the short length of the messages, sexting acronyms can really help out.  Your sexting partner will have fun figuring them out.  “TAY” is a popular one to write even if you don’t mean it.
  3. The messages are witty and creative.  When you are writing less than 160 characters on a text message screen, you don’t have much room for wordiness and that actually added to the creativity.  When sexting, you need to take advantage of all the characters you can.
  4. You can be bolder in a written message.  Many people can’t say these bad words, but writing them is a totally different story.  And, it seems much less offensive.
  5. It’s low risk.  Since the written message doesn’t have any verbal inflection, if the sexting partner is offended, you can always say you were “JK” (just kidding).
  6. There’s no problem with shyness in the written word.  You’d never think the PTA president and church usher could say those kinds of things, would you?
  7. It’s a no committal way to say that you like somebody.  If the sexting partner doesn’t return the banter, so what?  Nothing lost, nothing gained.
  8. Rapid fire emails and text messages can really heat up the sexual tension, but be prepared to be disappointed when your sexting partner needs to go to a meeting or take the kid to basketball practice.
  9. Give it a break sometimes.  If you are getting hot emails and text messages all day, it ceases to be hot.  It just seems desperate.
  10. Don’t get drunk and start sexting.  It can be a real turnoff if you use the “L” word.  Your sexting partner doesn’t really love you; at most, she’s just looking for a booty call in a small city hotel.
  11. Double check whom you’re sending the dirty text message or email to.  You don’t want Mom to get the message intended for the girl you met at the hotel bar in Vegas.
  12. Remember, you are playing with fire here. If you are in a committed relationship, be very careful.  You can really ruin a good thing for nothing more than a sexting fantasy.

When you do finally meet your sexting partner (and you probably will given the sexual tension built up), you are going to have a lot to live up to.  Better keep up the carnal conversation or your partner will be disappointed.  This isn’t about hugging and kissing.



8 thoughts on “Sexting: 12 Rules for Dirty Text Messages

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  5. jayjay

    hey, u know what? ok, i’m 14 and i’ve been sexting with my boyfriend for about a year. we say really hot steamy things. yer, so two nights ago, we had actual sex. we went down to a hidden corner of the beach near my house, took some blankets and he wore nothing but boxer shorts and i wore a skimpy bikini. when we got down there we both undressed and had sex. i would like to say that sexting is more fun than actual sex. XD

  6. Dirty Talk

    When I was in middle school, I had the hots for this guy. For months we built up a strong friendship and I eventually did (even though I was only young) fall in love with him. We never went out (though I wish we did), so I always felt like a part of me was incomplete.. He used to lead me on all the time, and always ask for sex.. I never admitted it to him at the time that I actually wanted to do something with him, but didn’t as I felt I was too young.

    As the years went on, he eventually found a girlfriend and we still remained very good friends. I had moved on by this time and only considered him as my friend. But then one day, I invited him over my house to catch up. Him being the flirt he was, and me being the flirt I was, we, well, started flirting. It was nothing out of the ordinary. We used to flirt with each other all the time and it would never mean anything – until the following night he IM’d me and asked if I had felt anything when he was over.. I answered yes.. And it was the beginning of the end.

    As soon as I had answered him, he told me that when we were alone in my room and he was hugging me, he wanted to rip off my clothes and have his way with me. I was shocked an excited by his bluntness, and told him that I felt exactly the same way.

    Despite the fact his girlfriend was also a close friend of mine, we (the guy and I) never said a word of it to her and sexted like mad. (Go ahead, judge me. See if I give a damn.) It was amazing. Seriously. We were in our last year of highschool and literally writing 2 – 4 page stories for each other. It was so fantastic.

    One day he ended up coming over when my parents wern’t home and we did a few things in the bedroom, and I gotta say, because of all the tension and build up of the past couple of years, the experience was mind blowing.

    Eventually, the girlfriend found out, and I was instantly deemed as “The Boyfriend Stealing Slut” by the odd 160 people in my grade. The guy and his girlfriend broke up, needless to say.

    How ever, ever since that event.. The guy and I haven’t spoken a word to each other. It’s quite saddening, because we were such good friends as well. But now things are very complex, and with him still trying to be on his X-GF’s good side and (from what I’ve heard) still wanting communication with me.. It’s all just a waiting game.

    So the lesson of this long ass post? Sexting is fun and amazing, and of course.. Safe. Well, considering the elements, lol. (Not like my elements!) But it has its downsides. I’m only in my late teens, but this experience sure has taught me a lot. Always remember: You can’t get something without losing something. I lost my best guy friend and backstabbed my good girlfriend because of all of this…

  7. jay

    Sexting may be a tool that many people use in relationships, but there are cases where kids have killed themselves because a picture they sent to a boyfriend got passed on to others. As with anything it should be used in a responsible manner. An essential key in any relationship is trust and if you can trust someone with your words, then go for it. But if you are a parent and you are worried about your child’s safety there are many programs out there, such as Mousemail, that will block potential threats. Understandably if you are an older teenager and you are willing to deal with the consequences of your actions, well live it up. But there are kids as young as 10 sending naked pictures to each other who could possibly face jail time and register as a sex offender. Please just use some common sense and trust someone before sexting.

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